Brain Implosion Averted

It only takes a good night’s rest. I feel a little more at peace in my head and my heart. After-all, everything is alright with me. It is possible that I am sub-consciously just trying to inject some chaos into my life unnecessarily.

It all came about while looking through my journal entries over the past year or so. I was searching for journal entries about my little one and how I have changed as a person over this very short period of time. It was alarming to me how much I changed what I didn't want to. After all I am or maybe even was a selfish person who really didn't want to deal with this great responsibility. I felt it wouldn't be fair that I wouldn't be able to make sacrifices for her. If you have a kid you understand. You just do it automatically for them. How can you do that automatically? It's mind boggling

That's what made me think that I truly have it all and what else could be missing?

That led to me looking up what I have done less of this year and of course. With a journal it's all there: Stuff you forgot, stuff you push out of your mind to keep yourself sane, People who slighted you...

Then for some reason I tried to re-evaluate my decision on whether I was Atheistic, Agnostic or could I really accept in any sort of system of monotheistic/polytheistic beliefs. THAT was like trying to jam a 5.25" floppy in a 3.5" drive by folding it. Needless to say that floppy exploded, but I didn't need it anyways. I decided to dump trying to tackle a concept that bizarre by myself.

It's definitely a pile of spaghetti to work through, and probably eat afterward.

I do like to personal journal a lot. So much at work that I began my personal journal. I never realized how powerful of a tool this is for me. I shall keep it encrypted to stop it from falling into the wrong hands. =O

Currently Listening To: Thievery Corporation - Focus on Sigh